


To the End

by Manwathiel_Caladwen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Goodbyes, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Past Relationship(s), Post-Deathly Hallows, Suicide, Suicide Notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 18:45:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11296578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manwathiel_Caladwen/pseuds/Manwathiel_Caladwen
Summary: Harry then stood up, and with one last quietly whispered goodbye, he walked away knowing that when his time came and he arrived at the end, nothing would make him leave Draco's side ever again.





	To the End

**Author's Note:**

> This story does address a major character death via suicide. If this is a sensitive topic for you, please be careful as you read.
> 
>  
> 
> And if you struggle with suicidal thoughts or feelings and want to talk to anybody, you can find 24/7 assistance online at I am Alive Crisis Chat (https://www.imalive.org/) or by calling your local emergency number. Please know you are not alone.

To The End

Draco sighed heavily as he looked over the Hogwarts grounds from where he stood on the Astronomy Tower. The sun was barely visible over the horizon; the last rays of sunlight ghosting over Draco's face as he stood there thinking. He thought about the last time he was stood there, almost a year ago. The memory brought a smile to Draco's face, and he closed his eyes, welcoming the memory back.

*Flashback*

Draco smiled as he felt strong arms reach around his waist and a head come to rest on his shoulder. He felt shivers run down his spine as a voice whispered in his ear.  
"What are you doing?"  
Draco reached down, taking the hands clasped around his waist in his own, loosening their grip so he could turn around and stare into the green eyes he loved so much. "Just thinking" Draco whispered back.  
Harry smiled and leaned in so that his and Draco's foreheads rested against each other's. Reaching up, Harry ran his fingers through Draco's hair; his hands coming to rest at the base of Draco's neck while his thumbs gently stroked his jaw line. "Thinking about what?" Harry asked still smiling.  
"You." Breathed Draco as he moved his hands to rest on top of Harry's that were still cupping his face. Draco let he his eyes fall shut, and Harry was left studying a face that only he got to see. The face Draco wore in public was a mask- an artificial face he had trained himself to wear, and Harry knew this. He also knew that when he and Draco were alone, Draco took that mask off, letting only Harry see what lay underneath.This relationship between them had developed not long after the incident in the bathroom. Their brief yet disastrous meeting had reminded both boys that life is fragile and therefore should not be spent in hatred. And on this evening, as the sun slowly sank over the horizon and the two boys stood locked in their embrace on top of the Astronomy Tower, the fragility of life became once again apparent. Draco let out a deep sigh before opening his eyes and moving his and Harry's hands off his face. Turning his back on Harry, Draco leaned forward, his arms coming to rest on the railing, his eyes slowly moving to look down to where Dumbledore had fallen just mere nights ago. Earlier that day, with the help of polyjuice potion, Draco had attended the funeral of the beloved Headmaster and had waited inside the grounds of the castle so he could meet with Harry—one last time. Draco did not move as he felt Harry come up beside him, assuming the same pose as Draco. Raising his eyes and turning his head so that he was looking at Harry's profile, he spoke in a soft voice.  
"Harry…" Draco paused as Harry turned to look at him, "I didn't mean….I never wanted….I couldn't…"  
"I know." Harry cut in, laughing slightly at the look of earnest confusion on Draco's face. "I know you didn't want to kill Dumbledore, I know you didn't intend for everything to be this way, and I know you had no choice. You were just protecting your family, right?" Draco swallowed hard and nodded before Harry continued. "You don't need to apologise for protecting those you love, Draco."  
Both boys fell silent, turning to watch the sun sink out of view, signalling twilight's arrival. When Draco spoke next, it was in a barely audible whisper, "But I couldn't protect you. I tried so hard, but I couldn't protect you from myself." Draco started to turn away, but Harry caught him by his upper arm, forcing Draco around so that they were facing each other yet again.  
"I know you didn't mean to hurt me Draco but you don't need to protect me. You especially don't need to protect me from you; it's my heart and I knew what was at stake." Harry let go of Draco's arm, but Draco stayed rooted in his spot.  
After a lengthy pause, Harry started speaking again, "Draco, I'm not coming…" but this time, it was Draco's turn to interrupt.  
"I know. I overheard you talking to Granger and Weasley earlier this evening. I was hiding below. I know you're not coming back to Hogwarts, I know Dumbledore set some kind of mission for you to complete. I know you Harry, and I know you want me to come, to go into hiding with you, to run away from it all, but I can't. I can't leave my family to pay for my actions. I know what the Dark Lord would do to them, and I could not live with myself knowing that I was the cause…." Draco let his voice fade away into the growing darkness.  
"So this is goodbye then?" Harry asked as he turned back to towards the railing.  
Draco nodded, "Yes. This is goodbye. When the sun rises in the morning, all of this will be forgotten. You will return to your role as the Chosen One and I will return to my role as not only the heir of the Malfoy estate but as a Death Eater within the Dark Lord's ranks." Draco swallowed thickly, willing the tears forming in his eyes not to fall before continuing, "This is the only way Harry. I wish it wasn't. I wish we could just freeze time but we can't. We both have obligations, duties only we can fulfil….so goodbye, Harry…" The last few words were said in a whisper as Draco's voice finally betrayed him and cracked.  
Turning to walk away, Draco slipped his hands into his pockets, clenching them in hopes of retaining some control until he got out of sight.  
"Draco, wait!" Harry's called after him in a broken voice that told Draco immediately that Harry was crying. Turning around again, Draco watched as Harry half walked, half ran to where he was by the stairs leading to the lower platform. When he reached Draco, Harry hesitated for only a second before wrapping his arms around Draco's waist and burying his face in the side of Draco's neck. Exhaling slowly, Draco removed his hands from his pockets and moved one around Harry's shoulder, the other to the base of neck, holding him close and not caring about the tears stains Harry would leave on his suit jacket. Eventually, Draco moved both his hands to run them through Harry's untamed black hair. Pulling away from Draco's neck, Harry smiled weakly up at Draco and said in a voice hoarse from crying, "Don't I get one last goodbye kiss?"  
Using his thumbs to wipe the tears off Harry's cheeks, Draco pulled Harry close again and breathed in the scent that was distinctly Harry before he closed his eyes and closed the distance between them. The kiss lasted only a few seconds but conveyed enough emotions for a lifetime and as they pulled away from each other, Draco felts his chest tighten and his heart stings give a painful tug. Opening his eyes and looking directly into Harry's, Draco could see that much like his own heart, Harry's heart was also breaking. Letting his hands fall away, and re-clenching his hands into fists, Draco turned and started down the stairs.  
"I love you Draco" Harry's voice went directly to Draco's heart, shattering what was left of his resolve. And despite feeling his heart strings slowly give way, Draco kept walking. Across the lower platform, down the spiral staircase, along the corridors and down the marble staircase and through the great front doors—the same root they used to escape after Dumbledore's death. Only this time, once outside the gates of the school, instead of disapparating, Draco stopped. Turning to face the school and sinking to the ground, Draco found himself whispering "I love you too Harry" before succumbing to the well of pain that had built up in his chest.

*End Flashback*

When Draco opened his eyes, he found that night had fallen. He listened for a moment for the sound of students heading to the Astronomy Tower for a late night lesson, but it seemed that classes had ended in preparation of end of year exams. Draco closed his eyes again, thinking of his own years at school—hurrying to finish homework late Sunday night, quidditch games on Saturdays, trash talking the Hufflepuffs—so many good memories marred by the horrors of 6th year. Though 6th year had given him Harry for a brief time, it has also caused him to ultimately lose Harry and so much more that he loved. It was 6th year that had ultimately led him to this night, to the decisions he had made, to the actions he was about to take. Draco opened his eyes yet again, setting his jaw with a certain determination. Reaching into his cloak, Draco pulled out a small roll of parchment. He turned to the owl that had been quietly perched on the railing.  
"Bring this to Harry Potter, he'll be at the Auror training centre" Draco instructed the owl as he tied the parchment to the owl's leg. Draco stroke the bird's head once before it took off, flying into the inky darkness of night. Draco watched until the owl had disappeared from sight, carrying a message that only Harry would understand—a message that Harry had to understand.  
With the owl gone, Draco had only one thing left to do. He walked to the edge of the Astronomy Tower, to the part with no railings, to the part where Dumbledore has stood, and fell. Draco turned around, his back facing out towards the courtyard, his feet precariously close to the edge. As he stood there on the edge, Draco wondered who would find him the next morning; he wondered who would come to his funeral; he wondered if people would think him weak or be glad he was gone. Draco pushed those thoughts from his mind, instead he thought of Harry, his unruly hair, his smile, of Harry saying "I love you", but mostly of Harry's eyes. Draco held Harry in his mind as he let out a deep breath, and stretched his arms out, stabilising himself slightly as he edged slowly backwards. When he finally felt his feet reach the edge, Draco's last thoughts were of Harry, and he smiled before he leaned backwards.

~XXXXX~

Miles away, at the Auror training centre, Harry was falling, racing faster and faster towards the bottom. The weight of darkness closing in on him, his mind going blank as he resigned himself to a permanent end. Knowing that the end was coming near, Harry closed his eyes and waited…  
Harry woke with a start, eyes popping open, the sensation of falling still fresh in his mind. Pulling his wand out from under his pillow, he cast a Tempus Charm which told him it was 2:49am. Sighing, Harry sat up, reaching over to his bedside table to grab his glasses. Placing them on his nose, Harry slid out of bed, careful not to make enough noise to wake up his bunkmates. Making his way to the garden door, Harry slid it open and walked into the night. The cool air hit Harry's face full force and he shivered involuntarily. Walking to the edge of the balcony, Harry leaned on the railing, looking over the training grounds. His eyes slowly moved upwards, the glittering stars holding his gaze, and he let his mind wander back to a few nights ago.  
*Flashback*  
It was a rare night off for the Aurors-in-training, and Harry and Ron has chosen to spend it at Hogwarts visiting Hermione and Ginny, who had both elected to finish their studies properly. Their visit, in reality, had ended up with Ron and Harry playing exploding snaps while the girls reviewed for their upcoming NEWTs. Nevertheless, the night had ended pleasantly, with the girls eventually giving up on revisions, and joining Ron and Harry in the armchairs by the fireplace. It was close to midnight before Harry and Ron left the common room, laughing and bidding the girls a goodnight. They leisurely made their way to the Headmistress' office as McGonagall had agreed to let them use her Floo connection. Walking through the empty corridors caused a wave of nostalgia to hit Harry, and he let those memories course through him until he was drawn from his thoughts by a lone figure down a side corridor.  
"What's up mate?" Ron inquired as Harry come to an abrupt stop.  
"Oh, um, nothing…nothing", Harry replied offhandedly, "You go on ahead. I'll meet you back at the training centre." Harry continued to stare down the corridor, while Ron silently considered things for a moment before shrugging and walking away, muttering under his breath as he went.  
Harry waited until Ron had disappeared from sight before following the lone figure down the corridor, and into a boy's lavatory. The scene gave Harry a sense of déjà vu. The lean body slumped over a sink, head bowed, platinum blond hair failing forward, and the slight shaking of his shoulders indicated that Draco Malfoy was crying. If the door falling closed behind Harry startled Draco at all, he didn't show it. Instead, without raising his head or standing straight, Draco spoke. "Come to curse me again, Potter?"  
Harry closed his eyes as he heard the familiar voice, still strong but a little harder than the last time he had heard it. Choosing not to answer, Harry instead walked forward until he was standing next to Draco and put a hand on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. Draco cringed at the contact and let out a shaky breath before he stood up and faced Harry. Both boys simply looked into the eyes of the other, searching faces they had once known so well, searching for some indication that they weren't so different than a year ago. But they were. It was Draco who spoke first.  
"Auror training making you soft? Or is the "Savior of the World" trying to find some clever way to rid the world of his second greatest enemy?"  
The hostility that Harry heard in Draco's voice startled him slightly, though he took it all in stride, passing it off as part of the façade Draco had always put forward. Instead, looking into Draco's icy grey eyes, rimmed with red, Harry reached a hand out and traced tear tracks running down his pale cheeks with a single finger. Harry's hand came to rest again on Draco's shoulder. A little smile crossed Harry's face as Draco cricked his neck to nestle his face against Harry's hand. Standing there with his hand nestled between Draco's cheek and shoulder, Harry thought of the war. In the past year, he had dealt with the grief and pain of loss, and the emptiness and uncertainty of the future, but he had moved on. It dawned on Harry, standing there, that he never considered the loss of the other side. They too had lost friends and family; they had been robbed of hopes and beliefs however twisted or ill-founded they had been. Harry realised that when he killed Voldemort, he simultaneously destroyed some people's whole world and he could see that pain and loss reflected in Draco's eyes, and it was obvious that Draco had not moved on. That realisation settled over Harry as he was reminded of the weight of responsibility he thought he had outgrown. Harry let a few moments pass before he spoke.  
"Draco, I really am sorry," Harry paused as Draco raised his head and opened his eyes, "I didn't want you to get caught in the middle of this. I didn't mean to…"  
"Didn't mean to what?" Draco interrupted, pulling away from Harry. "Didn't mean to win the war? Didn't mean to destroy my family? Didn't mean to make me a social outcast? I can't even come back to Hogwarts, to my own common room without being ostracised because of the war." Draco stopped suddenly and Harry was so tempted to retaliate, angered by the fact that Draco thought so little of him and his intentions, but Harry held his tongue, recognising that Draco was fighting to stay in control. Instead, Harry waited another few moments before speaking again.  
"Draco, I can't say I'm sorry for defeating Voldemort," Harry paused as Draco cringed at hearing Voldemort's name, "but," Harry continued, "I am sorry for the rest. It was never my intention to cause you pain. Merlin Draco, I thought about you every night when I was on the run. I wondered all the time where you were, what you were doing. Every night I hoped that you stayed safe. I wanted you to be near me so much it hurt, but in my efforts to make sure we could be together, I hurt you so much more than I could realise. I'm sorry, I just…" Harry let his voice die as he saw a change in Draco's demeanour. He had finally lost control and tears were once again sliding slowly down Draco's face.  
Draco let out a shaky breath, and when he spoke, his voice was horse and tired sounding. "Harry, I don't want,- I know you, -I don't blame you Harry, though it's so easy to. I can really only blame myself. After all, it was my choice—my choice, my heart, my life, my own fault, not yours…" Draco paused, letting out another breath and wiping away some tears. "All those months, I was like a prisoner in my own home. I thought about you, about how you were living on the run, and I was envious. The danger you faced was so abstract compared to having him there all the time; the fear, the danger was so tangible, I hated feeling like a coward. I hate that I still feel like a coward. On those nights I couldn't, or wouldn't sleep, I would think of our time in Hogwarts, it kept me going. I missed you so much."  
It was Harry's turn to wipe away tears that were slowly falling. "We've done a brilliant job making a mess, haven't we?" He said with a shaky laugh.  
"We always took a unique approach to each other." Draco said with a little laugh, then he paused, looking straight into Harry's eyes, his face suddenly grave looking and deadly serious, "Harry, I have to leave. I don't know where I'll go, or how I'll get out, but I have to. I can't stay here. I can't continue living like this…" Harry tried to interrupt, but Draco ignored him and continued, "It's not your fault, like I said previously. In this case, it really is nobody's fault, it's just the reality of the situation—the result of unforeseeable and uncontrollable circumstances. I don't want to, but I have to…" Draco hesitated and Harry took his opportunity to speak up.  
"Let me come with you Draco. We'll escape together, forget my training, forget your family name, and forget history and the war. We'll get out together, start a new life. We can do it—together." Harry's voice sounded eager, even to his own ears, and the brief glimmer of hope that he felt had disappeared even before Draco shook his head.  
"I cannot let you— no, I will not let you come Harry. The wizarding community needs you here. You represent their safety, and they're counting on you to help repair the damages from the war. You can't leave them all; it wouldn't be fair. Besides, you have Ginevra, and others friends and family who would miss you. Taking you away would be selfish of me. I have to face this alone; I have to prove that I'm not a coward, that I can take a stand." Draco stopped for the briefest of moments as he walked forward and placed his hands on Harry's shoulders, "Promise me Harry. Promise me you'll be okay after I go, promise me you'll finish your training, promise me you'll be happy, that you'll laugh again, and love again. Please, just promise."  
Harry didn't know what to say. There were so many things he could say, so many things he wanted to say. He wanted to tell Draco not to go, that he couldn't leave him alone, that he wasn't a coward. He didn't want to promise those things to Draco in hopes that not promising would keep Draco here longer, but in the end, looking into Draco's eyes so full of pain and pleading, Harry promised. He promised to keep on going, to keep on loving, to keep on living. He promised because he still loved Draco, and Harry told him that. He told Draco that he was still in love with him, and he would always love him, no matter what. For the first time in that evening, Draco smiled his old warm smile, though his eyes still displayed the pain he felt as he told Harry that he too was still in love, and that no one would have replace Harry in Draco's heart.  
They stood looking at each other for a few minutes longer before Draco spoke again. "I should go Harry…which means that this is…"  
"Goodbye" Harry finished, and Draco nodded. Draco slowly let his hands slide down Harry's arms, making their way from his shoulders down to his hands. Taking Harry's hands gently in his own, Draco squeezed them and then he turned to leave but Harry's voice stopped him before he walked too far."Don't I get one last kiss goodbye?"  
Draco turned around to see Harry still standing there, his face shining with new tears that had started to fall, and a small grin playing at the corners of his mouth, remembering the last time he had said those same words. Draco stood rooted in place, and Harry could see he was contemplating what to do—trying to decide if physical contact would make this goodbye unbearably hard.  
Harry didn't wait for Draco to make up his mind. Walking the few steps forward, he planted himself firmly in front of Draco. He reached up, looping his arms loosely around Draco's neck, he hands finding their way to the hair on the back of Draco's head. Harry pulled himself towards Draco until their breath mixed in the few centimetres left between them.  
Their close proximity caused Draco to shift slightly, his hands coming to rest on Harry's hips of their own accord. They stayed still in that pose for only the briefest of moments before both moved to close the gap, their lips fitting together perfectly, as if they were made for each other alone. The kiss, which started out gentle, became progressively harder and more desperate. Draco's nails dug into Harry's hips, and Harry's grip in Draco hair became so tight it was a wonder he didn't pull any hair out, and all the while a familiar and deep passion awoken in both boy's hearts as the understanding of what could have been—what should have been—crashed over them both with an intensity that neither one expected.  
It was Draco that pulled away first, partially because of a lack of oxygen, but more so, Harry suspected, because to the overwhelming strength of the connection found in that kiss. The unrestrained heat that had built up in Harry's chest was overwhelming, and he knew that staying any longer would make it impossible to let Draco go. So he pulled away, until Draco's arms fell limply from his hips, and his hands could no longer maintain their grip in Draco' hair so he let his arms fall to his sides.  
Green eyes then met grey ones, and both knew it was time. Whatever they had had, whatever dream and love they once shared, was gone, changed and made impossible by war and circumstances. In that knowledge, Draco step forward, placed a single chaste kiss on Harry's forehead before whispering "Goodbye Harry", and before Harry could answer, Draco had left.

*End Flashback*

Harry was pulled from his thoughts and memories by a loud hooting noise overhead. Looking up, Harry watched as a large brown owl circled before landing on the railing not far from where Harry stood. The owl hooted softly again, and raised its leg in Harry's direction, indicated that Harry was to take the note tied there. Harry walked over, wonder who would be sending him post at this time, and thinking that it was a good thing he was outside otherwise his bunkmates would have been horribly angry with him. Harry untied the scroll and watched as the owl flew off into the night once more.Looking down at the scroll in his hands, Harry untied the ribbon holding it together and unrolled the parchment. He recognised the elegant scrawl immediately, and a small grin to cross his face before he even read what the note said. His grin, however, disappeared as he read the note in his hands. Harry could almost hear Draco's voice as he read the note.  
"My love, I'll be waiting for you at the end, but please take your time arriving here."  
The words stood out on the parchment, shimmering a little in the light of the full moon. As Harry re-read the words, his heart sank and Harry suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Harry looked down at the note, scrunching his brow and running a hand over his scar, a habit he had developed whenever he was deep in thought. He wondered what Draco meant; granted he had said that he was leaving but he surely didn't mean forever. Draco couldn't be leaving Harry forever; he wasn't ready to lose another person so dear to him. Harry shook his head in frustration. He knew in his heart that he had said goodbye to Draco for the last time, but his head insisted on arguing—not accepting the truth that was staring him in the face. Harry whirled around, suddenly startled by the sound of a door opening and feet shuffling.  
"Harry? What's wrong? Why are you out here?" Ron stood in the doorway facing Harry, his eyes half open, still blurry with sleep.  
"It's nothing Ron," Harry sighed, "let's go back to bed. I was just…thinking about something." And with a last glance at the night sky, Harry went back inside and crawled into his bunk knowing in his heart that tomorrow would bring grim news.

~XXXXX~

Harry stayed in bed longer than intended the next morning but he was more tired than he thought after his late night. When he finally had gotten up and dressed in his training robes, Harry made his way to the common room and dining area where his fellow trainees were already eating breakfast.  
Harry walked into the commons, and the soft chatter quickly died away as all eyes fell on Harry. Used to the feeling of being stared and gawked at after his Hogwarts days, Harry put his head down and walked determinedly until he reached the end of the far table where Ron sat, a copy of the day's Daily Prophet clutched tightly in his grip. Harry sat down opposite Ron and raised an eyebrow and neither said anything until Harry couldn't take the silence anymore.  
"Where did they find him?" Harry asked quietly, not needing to elaborate any further.  
"Hogwarts—base of the…" Ron's voice died away as Harry cut in.  
"Astronomy Tower."  
"Yeah", Ron nodded slightly in confirmation, "How?"  
Harry knew what Ron was asking, and he took a moment to look down and collect his thoughts before looking up and answering Ron's question. "I just knew. I could feel it." Harry paused, swallowing thickly, before adding, "He said goodbye."  
Ron opened his mouth to say something but closed it again, recognising the look in his best mate's face. "If or when you what to talk about it, whatever it is, you know I'll be here for you mate."  
"Thanks Ron." Harry's voice was quiet. Ron only nodded in reply.

~XXXXX~

In the days that followed Harry requested a few personal days, and despite the firm rules governing Auror training, Kingsley granted his request. Harry spent the majority of his time off at Grimmauld Place, hiding from the media and unwanted attention. He had thus far refused to speak publicly about Draco's death, and he continued to openly dismiss rumours that he was relieved by the death of his so-called “second greatest enemy.”  
When the time came, Harry put on his best dress robes and ventured out of the ancestral Black home under the protection of his invisibility cloak to attend Draco's funeral. He sat alone in the back and stayed under his cloak the entire time as the few individuals who were in attendance paid their respects. It wasn't until after everyone had left, and Draco had been laid to rest in the Malfoy family plot that Harry felt safe enough to remove his cloak and approach the headstone.  
Harry smiled slightly as he recognised the Slytherin house crest that was carved beautifully below the Malfoy crest. He kneeled down in front of the headstone, running his fingers slowly over the serpent in the Slytherin crest. He watched in amazement as, under his touch, the serpent transfigured itself to reveal the form of a stag with his head held high standing gracefully in the middle of the Slytherin crest. In his surprise Harry pulled his hand away, and the stag was replaced once again with the image of a snake.  
Harry stayed at Draco's grave running his fingers over Draco's name until the sun started to set and grass around him grew dewy in the grey of twilight. Raising his right hand, touched his fingers to his lips, and then placed them gently over Draco's name in a silent show of love. Harry then stood up, and with one last quietly whisper goodbye, he walked away knowing that when his time came and he arrived at the end, nothing would make him leave Draco's side ever again.

~XXXXX~

There you have it. Reviews and kudos much appreciated. I’d love to hear what you guys thought of it.


End file.
